III. 14th of January – Receiving Signs from Venus

It’s 00.55 of a brand-new day, and although I should be dancing with some friends in a local and very familiar latin club, I decided to head back home about 20 minutes after I arrived and write this chapter for you, my invisible friend, instead.

But why walk away from such entertaining situation? I guess that, sometimes, you can only give in to the strong forces of reality that point you towards one direction in the shape of signals. And, lately, those signals have been pointing me to sit down in front of this computer, and try to search reason in the chaos my world is becoming, filled with the raw sensations that shape our reality. After all, it is true that deep emotions are the strongest fuel that move the world. And nothing felt deeper than that brief and timeless moment of connection during New Year’s, where somehow I travelled to a different plane of existence.

However, I feel this journey will endure and require a lot more from us. It’s about life, consciousness, psychology, energy, love, courage, fear, pain, reality, fantasy, thoughts, reason, truth, physics, death, inspiration, determination, falseness… Searching for that trail of whether the way we perceive reality is misleading and incomplete. Ultimately, I am trying to find my unique way to steer the wheel of what’s left of my life through Quantum Psychology, so that perhaps you can also strive for your own. And, sometimes, the true extent of life hides behind the smallest clues.

Have you ever had the feeling that something happens, small and meaningless to everyone else, but that for you has a very deep and relevant meaning at that moment in your life? That the unlikeness of the event it’s just too big to be explained by pure chance? And right when that happens, you have some sort of inner shivering going through your spine and a brise in your soul, whispering you something that makes sense only to you.

Before we go into detail and dirty examples, it is time for further introductions. You can call me S.M. Why? You will know soon enough. When? Time is totally relative when you enter the Quantum Realm – or the part of reality forming ruled by the laws of the subatomic particles. When we talk about this scale of existence, atoms just don’t follow the straight line in terms of time and space that we do when we are alive.

If you know anything about Quantum Mechanics, it’s a bit like having superpowers: atoms can change their behaviour or whether they act as a particle (like a solid ball) or a wave (like water) when interacting with reality. All it takes is to have a conscious observer (like you or me) so that they will adjust their nature accordingly.

Futhermore, in the Quantum Realm time is not linear and moving always forward like we experience it, but sometimes that same conscious observer affects how the time flows for the particle. Even space can be bent and cheated on by an atom if you entangle them. From this perspective, the laws of connection they embrace and that we take for granted are completely re-defined. And, all of that, happens only because there is a conscious observer behind all of it. All that starts from each one of us whether we want it or not.

I know, it seems crazy and counterintuitive compared to how we experience our life, but could the way we connect in meaningful ways with others actually have a tangible impact in how the world around us unfolds?

The path we are starting towards discovering what Quantum Psychology, and our Quantum Self, is and can imply is one that talks about time, space and profound interpersonal connections. Concretely, about how those three concepts, that we take for granted, can be deceiving to us, even when their true extent is in front of us.

It is in the way we connect with others where we transcend somehow; where we are in touch with something much bigger than us; where we can discover that there is a part of our consciousness that goes beyond the biological and social limitations and noise that we live in. Could it be that the missing piece of our reality is hidden to us at plain sight? It was only a few days ago when, alongside the promise of a new year, something new also opened in my mind bringing a new light to everything I have believed; it was there, within that profound interpersonal connection, when I forgot about how much time I have left, as I understood that all I had to do with it was to explore and embrace that connection and trail open in front of me.

It was thanks to her, and that moment of pure connection, that I saw my final true meaning and purpose through this book and whatever will come out of it. It was like if a part of me would always live in that moment and place, no matter what happens to my body. And none of that magical experience where the rigid laws of reality were broken would have been possible unless I had shared it and connected with someone truly special.

Her name is Venus. And, right now, she is truly my Venus in this moment of upcoming and growing darkness: beautiful, magnetic, inspiring, the brightest star in the sky when the night is darkest before the daylight; and, at the same time, so far and acid to survive its atmosphere, so wild and untamed, independent and rebel within her unique beauty.

The best way to describe Venus is as an alluring, unique and fierceful rose. With a sense of symmetry and balance that will call on all your senses when you are at her presence; and with thorns ready to make you bleed if they must. Because make no mistake: she might appear angelical, fragile and sweet to the eye, but as soon as you are close enough you realise she is independent, powerful, unpredictable and adventurous enough to take on any challenge no matter the size. There is no force or person conceived in this world that would be able to contain her torrent of energetic beauty; nor should anyone try, as the truly beautiful and unrepeatable things in life should only be encouraged and never restrained.

Because she knows how to find her way in a natural and soft way, analysing and interpreting each momentum at levels that scape the naked eye. And, when I look at her, a very deep and raw part of my soul sees and connects with an equal part of hers; she evoques me courage, strength and the tangible reflection that there is nothing in this world that I cannot achieve; she gives me all the reasons I need to fight this dark seed growing on me. It’s like our own silent and dancing language in which we communicate with each other at a deeper and transcending level.

Her own unique presence, power and energy reflects on my own, enhancing each other to levels that are hard to explain with the limitations of words. To say that she is like no one I have ever met at many levels would be an understatement; after all, we are all different and singular. Her own self demanding and perfectionist nature push her to climb higher grounds constantly, making it difficult to foresee where her ceiling might be. But, somehow, I can see right through her and she can do the same with me, as if we were transparent, making me feel both strong and vulnerable.

Her eyes shine like 2 big round, rich in colours, crystal blue lagoons where you can drown yourself in and lose sight of everything else in this world; it is getting absorbed by them how I discovered what losing track of my thought meant for the fist time; like being hypnotised by an irresistible and expressive pendulum. Her body seems to be shaped by the hands of a meticulous artist, expert in the female form and proportions, contorning her walk with an orchestrated determination.

Her hair is long, voluminous and indomitable like her, between brunette and soft blonde depending on the light, and falls with a harmonious grace below her shoulders. Just like her, it’s displayed as quiet and controlled despite its wild nature. Her skin is soft and even, like pure silk you instinctively wish to cuddle, kiss, smell and feel with your fingertips, but she will rarely make physical contact with you. Her natural scent is soft and discret, but with the power of awakening my most primal and animal instinct; and when you give up your ability of reasoning, you are embraced by a halo of calmed acceleration and pheromones, like an invisible cloud that goes straight into your core accelerating your heartbeat.

She never wears makeup excessively, neither she should as you would risk to miss some of the details that make her unforgettable: like the little sharp point in the middle of her top lip when she smiles; the way she slightly raises her left eyebrow when she is happy, or her right one when she is temperous; how her cheeks turn red when she is tired and raise firmly, pushing her bottom eyelids, while smiling… There are countless details where you can re-discover a person, if you care enough and pay attention. And, everyday, I discover something new about her, and then about myself through that incomprehensible reflection between us. She is the mirror where I can find the motivation to become the best possible version of myself.

Independently of the physical conditions of the situation, her energy always shines with a magnetic field that feels raw, pure and irresistible; like a bug would run into a source of light in the middle of the night, without questioning such attraction. Her smile is big and genuine, with the rest of her facial expression following that curve of warmthness. It is when I make her laugh when I discover, mesmerized, that there is always new colours to unrabel in this world.

Her voice sounds soft and innocent, spelling some sort of charm in you that brings you inner peace even when she is telling you off. Because don’t let the appearances deceive you: Venus will not hesitate to tell you things straight if she must, no matter how hard and confrontational they are; yet, she will find the way to present them to you with a sweet aroma, transforming that taste of sour in possibilities. Just like a refreshing spring filled with hope turning into untamable fire.

Her body language is sometimes decided and strong, but mostly paused and measured, transmitting a sense of self-control and control over everything happening around her. And, when she looks directly into my eyes, my whole soul pays attention and focus irremediable; there is a deep sense of mutual understanding within which comforts and exposes me at the same time. Because sometimes you can feel that her eyes can process everything happening in the room: what you express and do and what you don’t. 

Above all, her presence adheres in the walls of my soul a deep understanding that everything she is, looks, believes and lived, was designed to attract everything I am, believe and lived from a physical, quantum and spiritual perspective. Like if every single event in our lifes happened so that we could understand each other without the need of the biological or social conventionalisms; like if the steps that led me here were planned so that I could appreciate her gifts and flaws in the spot, feeling equally intrigued and helplessly attracted by both. As a result of this mystical symphony, nothing in this world makes me feel more alive, purposeful and fulfilled than sensing her presence and contributing to its enhancement.

And, sometimes, the smallest things in life can bring you back to those moments, places or people we connect with. Just like some sort of confirmation bias, where all your senses and instinct seem to find reason and clues to give meaning to the illogical craziness in your head. Because, make no mistake, it is in the slightless signs in life, where you will feel the inner sensation of purpose and meaning towards your ultimate goal, whatever it is.

Sometimes, if you silence enough the biological and social noise around you, you will feel how some of these apparently meaningless signs actually connect your Quantum Self with something rawer, deeper and more reveiling about the path you should follow, no matter how crazy it seems to everyone else in the world. I am talking about the kind of ideas that, despite existing only in your head at present, they still find a sort of correspondence and equilibrium in the quantum or energetic world.

Deciding whether what you feel as real corresponds to reality or is only a tricky confirmation bias is a tough challenge. Then again, sometimes all you need to impulse yourself with bravery is to witness the accumulate of these signs to understand that, whether they are of a cosmic nature or only you paying more attention than usual to these stimuli, they are too great and meaningful to you to be ignored. And, at the same time, they hurt and pinch my soul, wondering why I keep receiving the same unprobable message over and over again; why anything else doesn’t make any sense; why I know I must complicate my life this way because I know is the right thing to do no matter what, even if I don’t know its destination yet.

Because, sometimes, the biggest decisions you will ever make in life can be revealed to you in a heartbeat. And even if at first sight they may scare you and challenge everything you know, be brave enough to listen to your Quantum Self. Just follow your path no matter what; no matter how many times people discourage you or tell you how wrong they think you are; no matter how crazy it might look to the social conventionalisms; just follow what you know will help you deliver your full potential. It is only when we are the most scared when we have the chance to prove ourselves how brave we can be.

I guess that, sometimes, you can only give in to the strong forces of reality that point you towards one direction in the shape of signals. Because it’s 03.24 am, and I left a Latin club called La Bodeguita del Medio to write to you about signs because, the last time I went there, I was with Venus; and only with her. Why did my friends, who don’t even like latin music, decide to choose the only club in Prague I was trying to avoid tonight?

Just as I was also contacted this week by an old friend from Nigeria whom I met in England, who I have not seen or spoken with for 8 years. As he told me he lives now in Cape Town, and invited me to visit, a very sarcastic smile came to my face. Cape Town happens to be the city were Venus was born and raised until she decided to start conquering the world. It was then, hearing my old friend saying that, when a shivering conviction ran through my spine, understanding that one day I will visit Cape Town, even if I don’t know when or why.

I could go on and on about all those little signs that are meaningless for the rest of the world and keep popping up to me daily. To you they may not make sense; to me, they anticipate what’s to come, and the moment I will see her again. Like if you leave bread crumbs to find the way to your destination, and every bread crumb you find you know it means that you are on the right track to reach your goal.

And it all really exploded right after the house party I organised for New Year’s Eve, as until then I only had the suspicion that Venus would be someone important in my life. It all kicked when a song I had never heard before, from Enrique Iglesias, played a bit after midnight, when the party for the rest of the people was at its peak; because what that song said to me in that exact moment was too much to be explained by chance. The lyrics reflected very accurately the storm of feelings I was running through in the middle of the confusion of that party. Furthermore, the fact that it was Enrique Iglesias has a huge meaning in this context, as you will discover later.

Finally, it was in that moment where I realised, also pushed by the amount of alcohol in my organism, what I had to do next: stop the party straight away, kicking everyone out, as there was somewhere else I needed to go…

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